How Sloof Lirpa Opened My Mind about Rahm Emanuel

I’ve been listening to podcasts on my commute to work. I mean, they’re really long commutes so I need to keep my ears occupied. And I stumbled upon this sensational, silver-voiced, superb citizen (who adores alliteration) by the name of Sloof Lipra. Have you heard of him? He speaks to the common man! He’s just all common sense!

And because of him, I’ve come to realize that maybe Rahm Emanuel is really just a great guy and wonderful politician. He is, come to think of it, just what Chicago needs!

I mean, check this out:

  • Privatization is ALWAYS good! Get the government out of money – they don’t know what to do with it. Business is in the business of people and can serve all of our interests better because of profit and free-market and stuff.
  • We need the police to be militarized! People suck and need to be kept in line by the strongest forces possible. And if you’re not doing anything wrong, then there’s nothing to worry about anyway. AMIRITE?
  • CREAM: Cash Rules Everything Around Me! Nothing else matters. He can be a complete bullying, clueless asshole. So what? He’s rich, b***ches! Sloof has taught me that’s all that matters.
  • Schools in poor neighborhoods need to be closed. Because, they’re poor. And what’s the freaking use, AMIRITE?

Wow. I’m glad I got my mind totes opened by Sloof! Aren’t you!


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