One of your students executed an elaborate and rather divisive prank against long-standing and cross-town rival Darby High. I think the whole world should see this offensive behavior and let you be put to shame for the pithy actions you’ve done in regards to this embarrassing joke.
I say it is a true, undermining shame that you have merely and temporarily suspended young Mr. Garchar for this scheme. I must ask you, Principal Bandow, in all sincerity: Have you no sense of humor? Where is your funny-bone?
You should be having ticker-tape parades for the young man. He should be raised on a chair held aloft by the and cheered on by the entire student population, past and present. He should be immortalized in bronze in front of the school and in several city parks. Cheerleaders and brainiacs alike should be fighting over who will carry his books to class. Teachers should treat his name with the reverence reserved for the likes of Dr. Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln or Copernicus or Albert Einstein.
He single-handedly (supposedly) did for your school what the football team didn’t. Make it feel good.